If you found this blog by Googling my name or by following sundry noxious links (you know where), please note that all claims that I was fired from my job are 100% false, as are most of the other things written about me. I don't know the people who are libeling me, but it's clear they have some imaginary axe to grind and way too much time.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Help!

So I got back to the office after lunch with Noah the other day, excited about how well my first meat up went, only to have my bubble completely burst by my coworkers.

Alex: So how'd it go?
Me: Good! Really well! He wasn't creepy or sketchy or awkward at all! And the restaurant was really awesome - this underground Japanese place below an office building. He's really into Japanese food and his wife's Japanese.
All three of them: OOOOOOOOOO HE HAS A WIFE??
Me: Yeah, but it was totally platonic! He wasn't hitting on me or anything!
Chris T: Yeah right.
Chris L: Did he tell his wife he was having lunch with you?
Me: I don't know! But he talked about her pretty openly! He said she was awesome!
Chris T: Nope. Sketchy. No way he told his wife he was meeting a strange girl for lunch.
Me: IT'S JUST LUNCH! It's not like he saw pictures of me or anything, he had no reason to think I would be attractive.
Chris L: But what was he doing cruising the W4M section of Craigslist??
Alex: Ooo good point.
Me: THE STRICTLY PLATONIC SECTION!!

So guys, what's the jury on this one? Can a married man ever meet a 22-year-old girl off the internet for lunch? How about dinner? How about brunch? Can he ever tell his wife? I'd like to think, if I put myself in wifey shoes, that I would be cool with it, especially since I of all people know how innocent my intentions truly were. I mean, I'd really like to think other people's marriages are stronger than my desire to eat something tasty.

Anyways, the bigger question remains: what are the ground rules here?

There's a guy, StephenB, who is 58 and wants to go to Casa Mono on Tuesday. Our email exchange has already covered his age and our desires for something explicitly platonic. After Tuesday night was suggested, I asked to postpone a couple of weeks for my wallet's sake, to which he replied,

hmm ... I'd be willing to treat you to tapas .. it's not a major three course meal and Casa Mono's pretty reasonable and we could meet and see if we wanted to do another one in a few weeks... up to you

My caution-throwing, tapas-loving stomach agrees. "We could sit at the bar!" She says, "just nibbles!" But do I want to cross that line? He erases the line based on the price and formality of the meal, but is there really a difference between tasting menu at Per Se and Dollar Menu at McDonald's when someone is paying for your nourishment? Forget date territory for a second, is this veering into escort territory? Again, this should be ok, but as my ex-boyfriend constantly reminded me, I inhabit a different world from Most People, where gogo dancing/sex blogging are equally NBD. I can't think about me, what are this 58-year-old newly-divorced man's expectations?

Dammit.

Well, what if I stay away from the sangria?

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